After a fun visit to the Hillcrest Farmers Market with a few family/friends, I headed east again. First time since I left NH on January 3rd. Instead of driving into the setting sun as I made progress on the trip, the setting sun will now behind me as I drive.
As I mentioned in my last post, my first destination on this next leg of my journey is the Mensa Foundation board meeting and retreat in San Antonio. I had allowed my four days for this trip of about 1,275-ish miles to the Hotel Valencia Riverwalk and as often has been the case on this trip, I hadn't made any reservations along the way. I just intended to see where I was when I felt that I had driven enough for the day, and find a place to stay. Which is what I did.
I had (sort of) decided before leaving San Diego that I would front load the driving, doing between 5 & 6 hours on the first 2 days, then perhaps 4-5 hours on the 3rd day, leaving more like 3 hours on the Wednesday. That would leave me a little time to explore the Riverwalk area on Wednesday afternoon. Since the last time I was in San Antonio was over 20 years ago, I knew there would be changes!
So on Sunday evening, I ended up in Tucson, about 400 miles from San Diego. Monday morning I spent a little time wandering around Tucson (another place I hadn't visited in probably 20 years), and then got back in the car. In this part of the country it is mostly desert or high desert, with lots of flat land, scrub vegetation, and lots of space between small towns. We (that's my inner child and I) listened to books on Audible as we drove. I actually kind of went into driving zone mode, and when I realized that we had gone about 500 miles - through the remainder of AZ, the southwest corner of New Mexico and well into TX - over almost 7 hours said "Enough is enough! Let's find a place to stay."
That led me to a hotel in Pecos, TX. Looking around the next morning (Tuesday) I found that the TX Rodeo Hall of Fame, apparently refurbished and now at the T&P Train Depot, was open - so after packing the car again, I headed over. Very interesting and a fun little detour. I also took a long walk around town - something that felt great after all those miles driving over the prior 2 days. And because I had already completed over 900 miles of the trip, I knew I would have plenty of time to be in San Antonio by or before the goal time on Wednesday.
I actually didn't leave Pecos until mid-afternoon, so ended up driving about three-quarters of the remaining 365-ish miles that day, then checking into yet another hotel. I actually had a Zoom meeting to do Wednesday morning (on a business venture I'm involved in), so I left the hotel around 11:00am CT to start the last (approximately) 100 miles to Hotel Valencia Riverwalk. I arrived between noon and 1:00pm CT.
I have to admit, though, that while I had begun to feel a lot more relaxed and more centered (albeit still with a lot of unresolved and mercurial emotions) especially since I made it to SoCal, the issues that brought me on this pilgrimage are not resolved. Not even close. That sense of more contentment - for lack of a better phrase - started to disperse as my time in San Diego ended. I started having problems sleeping again, and some of the feeling of stress and inability to focus came back. Perhaps because for the first time in a month, I was having to be in a certain place at a certain time, for multiple days of meeting with multiple others, with an agenda and rules and needed outcomes.
The internal conflict - the importance of some of the things I am doing versus my internal need to stop 'doing' so much and start 'being' what I need to be - is still there. Do I know the path forward? Not yet, but at least some of the time I feel that I am coming closer to reaching some sort of balance. I guess I will have to accept that for now - but the journey continues.
A friend posted this the other day - part of a Rumi poem I absolutely love. Something to look forward to perhaps.
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